Leinad and The Nun
by mikazuki3
Summary: Leinad the Frog falls in love with a Nun. Not suitable for orthodox saints or devil-worshippers.


Leinad and The Nun  
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Once upon a time there was a frog called Leinad, and he fell in love with a nun. This was a really stupid thing to do because:  
a) wrong species  
b) she's a nun  
But Leinad didn't care. He wasnt a speciest and believed that there wasnt anything intrinsically different between a human being and a nun. When he told his mother about this, she threatened to disown him unless he give up his silly ideas and settle down with Nancy, his frog friend since his tadpole days. Everyone knew that Nancy wanted to marry Leinad and have lots of frog-children. But Leinad only thought of Nancy as a frog temptress who was after his sperm.

But anyway, Leinad fell in love with a nun.  
She wasn't an old nun, she was quite young. She was always dressed in white, her eyes were purple, and everywhere she went she would leave a trail of a sweet intoxicating scent.  
Leinad called her his angel, and tried very hard to make her notice him.

When she was sweeping the garden, he would hop around the pond and do macho somersaults. When she was cooking in the kitchen, he would dance by the window. When she was going to sleep, he would croak a romantic song.  
But still, she never noticed him.  
And it made Leinad very sad.

One day, the nun fell ill, and couldnt leave her bed. Leinad became very worried, and stayed by her window every day, watching over her. He forgot to eat, he forgot to sleep, he forgot about everything except his nun who was pale and coughing blood. He wish there was something he could do. He went to all the frog shamans he knew, he visited the Pigeon Doctor, the Rat-Witch, the Rabbit-Dentist, but they only shook their heads and said that affairs of the human world were out of their league.  
So Leinad hopped to the village doctor, but when the nurse saw him, she screamed until the whole clinic shook, and tried to electrocute him with an electrocardiogram machine.  
It was all in vain, there was nothing he could do.  
He hopped back to the nun's windowsill and saw that she was sleeping.  
And so, quietly, he cried.

That night, a fly came to Leinad. It said: "What are you doing frog?"  
"My nun is sick, and there is nothing i can do," said Leinad.  
"But she's a human, frog!" said the fly.  
"Does it matter? I love her so," said Leinad sadly. "If there is something I could do to save my nun, I would certainly do it."  
"Perhaps Baalzebub can help you," said the fly cautiously.  
"Baalzebub?" cried the frog. "But he--he's the devil!"  
"He's also drunk now, so he's in a good mood."

So Leinad went to see Baalzebub.  
"Frog! What do you want?!" slurred Baalzebub.  
"I think if you keep drinking you'll get alcohol poisoning," said Leinad, pointing to the hundreds of bottles on the floor.  
"Don't lecture me! That's God's job!" Baalzebub threw a bottle at Leinad. "Now what do you want?"  
"Would you heal my lady in exchange for my soul?" asked Leinad timidly.  
Baalzebub vomitted, and collapsed on the floor.  
"Hey," said Leinad, he hopped towards Baalzebub. "Excuse me?"  
But the devil was unconscious with too much alcohol in his system.

So Leinad returned to his nun's window, half-relieved, and half-disappointed.  
Perhaps he should ask God, he thought. But how?  
Where would he find God?  
The birds said theyve been flying for years but theyve never seen a God in the sky.  
The fish said theyve swum down the deepest oceans, but still, no God.  
Earthworms said, no, not in the earth either.  
Where would he go to find this God?

The next night, the fly came again. "So how did it go? The devil's taking your soul soon?"  
"No," said Leinad. "He was drunk and fell over unconscious."  
"Ah," the fly nodded. "That happens. He usually stay unconscious for a few weeks."  
"I cant wait a few weeks!" said Leinad. "What if she dies?! What would i do?!"  
"Have you tried asking God?" asked the fly.  
"I dont know where to find him," said Leinad.  
"Well, ive never seen him either," said the fly. "But i hear that if you call him out he would come straight away."  
"Really?"  
"Some cat said he's closer to you than your jugular vein. but you know how cats are, religious freaks."  
"What's a jugular vein?"

But that night, Leinad called out to God. He called out to God nonstop from that night to the next morning to the next night to the next morning to the next night. He was croaking so loud and so much that by the end of the third night, he thought his vocal cords might snap.  
Then a man came into his nun's room. He was quite young, dark hair, spectacles, white coat.  
Leinad watched the man sit on a chair next to his nun. The man said something, and the nun said something.  
And then she turned and looked at him croaking at the window.  
She noticed me! thought Leinad happily, she noticed me!  
The nun pointed at Leinad.  
Leinad was so happy that he let out a long God-croak.  
And the man in the white coat went up to the window and squashed Leinad with the glass pane.  
"Doctor! That was cruel!" cried out the nun. "I merely said that the frog has been croaking and i couldnt sleep! You need not have killed it like that!"  
The doctor grimaced with satisfaction. "Yes, perhaps that was a bit cruel, but it's only a tiny frog after all."  
The doctor took off his coat that was now blood-stained, and went back to his chair.  
"Now about your health, where were we?"


End file.
